Senior Year. I guess when people think of these two words, they picture freedom. Finally being able to get out of high school and start their real lives, whether it is by attending college or getting a job. Or maybe even the high school year where they can finally relax during school time and not worry about a thing, except maybe college applications (keep that comment in mind, I’ll address it again later). Cliched thoughts, I know, but generally speaking that is what everyone imagines, even if our school has switched to a performance-based system and there’s a possibility of becoming a Super Senior the next year. For everyone, senior year is supposed to be a blast, like the last hurrah before we have to face the world on your own, but for me, it’s more like a challenge.
It’s not a challenge per se that I think I’m not going to pass my senior year or not even get accepted to one college (premonition anyone?), but more so like if I can keep my consistency going. In theory, it’s supposed to be my best year in that I’m on top of things - maybe even everything, but if we’re being realistic, then no - and can finally direct all of my focus on single issues at a time, instead of being caught up in a whirlwind. That sounds really depressing, doesn’t it? But Junior year was just that - a whirlwind of activity, leaving me confused at the end. I hoping this year would be more organized and structured, since I feel like I’m slightly OCD about certain things, and give me a more focused outlook on what I want to do with the next 4 years of my life.
Now, remember the comment I made about the college applications? Recall it right now and see if you can follow my train of thought. You see, I’m a very impulsive person, and I know it contradicts the whole previous statement I made about liking things organized and predictable, but it’s true. Ask anyone that knows me well, they’ll vouch for me. The whole applying for college process is going to be especially difficult for me, not because I slacked off throughout high school and suddenly want to go to an Ivy League school with very poor grades, but because I’m impulsive. I feel like the decisions I’ve already made about my major and the few schools I’ve narrowed down to definitely applying to are all the result of me thinking on my feet while my brother stood behind my shoulder and directed me on how to start the whole applying process. Of course, I’m not going to fault him for my absolutely random decision making process, but sometimes, I feel like in order to make a set-in-stone decision about my future, I need someone pulling me along faster than I can run, which both of my siblings provide for me. I’m grateful to them, I really am, but sometimes I just want to run out into an absolutely desolate field and scream. Not the high-pitched “Oh my God, I’m pretending to be scared” squeal, but an actual, honest-to-God yelling and screaming marathon to relieve some of the stress (at this point, I’m no longer talking about my siblings, more like everyone in the world around me - AAAAHHHHH!!!!!).
In fact, when I get time to organize my thoughts and carefully evaluate my decisions, I feel like I go through this whole spontaneous process-of-elimination in order to feel relatively confident that I’m making the correct decision. I remember the conversation I had with my siblings a few months ago, maybe even a year ago, when they were asking about my plans after I graduated. It was already a granted fact that I was going to college. I had no qualms about that decision being made for me because it was more of me telling my parents that no matter what I end up wanting to do, I am going to college straight out of high school (I know now there was also another reasoning behind that, but currently, it’s not relevant). Going back to the conversation, I remember sitting there thinking that I had always wanted to do mainly 2 things: become an Emergency Room Surgeon or a lawyer. Now, according to common logic, you would think that since I have a specific career in the medical field in mind, I would choose to pursue that option. But I didn’t. I told them I wanted to enter the law field as a lawyer. What type, they asked. A corporate lawyer.
Now, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost you. You must be thinking that I’m lying and actually have everything planned out and am just wasting your time with all my rambling, but trust me on this when I say that when those words came out of my mouth, I had never even considered that option before. Now that I look back at the conversation, I can pinpoint my train of thought almost exactly. It went something like this: Kiran = surgeon; Harvir = general doctor (maybe specialist); Me = ??? → LAWYER. I actually went through all of the options I had ever considered and eliminated both of the ones pertaining to the medical field (doctor or surgeon) because my siblings were already on that path and I wanted to make my own. Architect was out of the question because that seemed like a lot of pointless paperwork; homicide detective was ruled out because I just don’t have a lot of patience with certain types of people; trained assassin was a no-go because I doubt any of my family members would be able to swallow that pill. The whole elimination process failed to bring up a valid point as to why I wouldn’t be able to make it as lawyer, skill-wise that is, therefore, the impulsive decision of becoming a corporate lawyer was made. Even if it was out of sheer stubbornness of not wanting to follow my siblings’ footsteps.
Now, I understand that by now you may be mentally exhausted by my thought processes and are probably noting that I left out on how I decided I wanted to be a corporate lawyer, but let us leave that headache for Round 2, shall we? At this immediate moment in time, I think I can just relax with the inner knowledge that I have a plan, albeit a spontaneous plan, but a plan is A PLAN. And who knows, maybe it will help me build an even better plan in the near future or it will actually work out for me in the end. All I can say right now is that I’m hoping, I’m thinking, and I’m planning…
It’s not a challenge per se that I think I’m not going to pass my senior year or not even get accepted to one college (premonition anyone?), but more so like if I can keep my consistency going. In theory, it’s supposed to be my best year in that I’m on top of things - maybe even everything, but if we’re being realistic, then no - and can finally direct all of my focus on single issues at a time, instead of being caught up in a whirlwind. That sounds really depressing, doesn’t it? But Junior year was just that - a whirlwind of activity, leaving me confused at the end. I hoping this year would be more organized and structured, since I feel like I’m slightly OCD about certain things, and give me a more focused outlook on what I want to do with the next 4 years of my life.
Now, remember the comment I made about the college applications? Recall it right now and see if you can follow my train of thought. You see, I’m a very impulsive person, and I know it contradicts the whole previous statement I made about liking things organized and predictable, but it’s true. Ask anyone that knows me well, they’ll vouch for me. The whole applying for college process is going to be especially difficult for me, not because I slacked off throughout high school and suddenly want to go to an Ivy League school with very poor grades, but because I’m impulsive. I feel like the decisions I’ve already made about my major and the few schools I’ve narrowed down to definitely applying to are all the result of me thinking on my feet while my brother stood behind my shoulder and directed me on how to start the whole applying process. Of course, I’m not going to fault him for my absolutely random decision making process, but sometimes, I feel like in order to make a set-in-stone decision about my future, I need someone pulling me along faster than I can run, which both of my siblings provide for me. I’m grateful to them, I really am, but sometimes I just want to run out into an absolutely desolate field and scream. Not the high-pitched “Oh my God, I’m pretending to be scared” squeal, but an actual, honest-to-God yelling and screaming marathon to relieve some of the stress (at this point, I’m no longer talking about my siblings, more like everyone in the world around me - AAAAHHHHH!!!!!).
In fact, when I get time to organize my thoughts and carefully evaluate my decisions, I feel like I go through this whole spontaneous process-of-elimination in order to feel relatively confident that I’m making the correct decision. I remember the conversation I had with my siblings a few months ago, maybe even a year ago, when they were asking about my plans after I graduated. It was already a granted fact that I was going to college. I had no qualms about that decision being made for me because it was more of me telling my parents that no matter what I end up wanting to do, I am going to college straight out of high school (I know now there was also another reasoning behind that, but currently, it’s not relevant). Going back to the conversation, I remember sitting there thinking that I had always wanted to do mainly 2 things: become an Emergency Room Surgeon or a lawyer. Now, according to common logic, you would think that since I have a specific career in the medical field in mind, I would choose to pursue that option. But I didn’t. I told them I wanted to enter the law field as a lawyer. What type, they asked. A corporate lawyer.
Now, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost you. You must be thinking that I’m lying and actually have everything planned out and am just wasting your time with all my rambling, but trust me on this when I say that when those words came out of my mouth, I had never even considered that option before. Now that I look back at the conversation, I can pinpoint my train of thought almost exactly. It went something like this: Kiran = surgeon; Harvir = general doctor (maybe specialist); Me = ??? → LAWYER. I actually went through all of the options I had ever considered and eliminated both of the ones pertaining to the medical field (doctor or surgeon) because my siblings were already on that path and I wanted to make my own. Architect was out of the question because that seemed like a lot of pointless paperwork; homicide detective was ruled out because I just don’t have a lot of patience with certain types of people; trained assassin was a no-go because I doubt any of my family members would be able to swallow that pill. The whole elimination process failed to bring up a valid point as to why I wouldn’t be able to make it as lawyer, skill-wise that is, therefore, the impulsive decision of becoming a corporate lawyer was made. Even if it was out of sheer stubbornness of not wanting to follow my siblings’ footsteps.
Now, I understand that by now you may be mentally exhausted by my thought processes and are probably noting that I left out on how I decided I wanted to be a corporate lawyer, but let us leave that headache for Round 2, shall we? At this immediate moment in time, I think I can just relax with the inner knowledge that I have a plan, albeit a spontaneous plan, but a plan is A PLAN. And who knows, maybe it will help me build an even better plan in the near future or it will actually work out for me in the end. All I can say right now is that I’m hoping, I’m thinking, and I’m planning…